Honestly, I don't even know why I'm surprised this time around. I think I really wanna keep a journal for myself from now on to come back to so I can read about what my past self says and listen to a thing or two.

I'd probably prepared myself for it from the beginning, yet in a way, I probably did not. X always manages to get inside somehow, how she says what she says and everything she says somehow leaves a profound impact. But every time afterward, I feel like they're all empty. They probably are all empty words, yet I wonder why I put my faith in them. It's like storing my wallet in a pocket I know has a gaping hole in it. I'll probably change my alias later in case someone stumbles across this blog and recognizes me. But man oh man does it fucking suck to feel like this again.

Funniest part is probably how easily I let it all happen too and just let my guard down. Not sure how it ends up happening with her. I think she's special, but she's probably not. I want it to be special, but I feel like it really isn't to her at least. How she says what she says makes it seem special, but at the end of the day, it feels empty.

She says it was special though, so I guess I'm just supposed to take her word for it ha ha.